We all know by now how terrorists work. They hide, disguise and attack when you least expect it for no other reason than it seems to be the meaning of their lives. As I moved back to Denmark last week I started moving back furniture to my apartment from the attic and discovered to my horror that I had been the victim of a suicide pigeon terrorist.
The pigeon had entered the attic, through a carelessly opened window, to find a perfect victim (all the rooms are genius connected by pigeon-sized holes so I am unable to find the idiot) and probably cued in evil happiness when it entered the only used room. Here the attack began! First it messed around to remove any plastic covering delicate furniture and then emptied its bowels over anything that could be reached making sure to especially hit any antic pieces. “That little table looks old, let’s fill it up and cover it in feathers and uh let’s make a special acid attack on that white cabinet”. Then it squeezed out a couple of egg-bombs midair before it died on the only non-covered furniture left. Mission accomplished.
As I tried to save whatever was left of my belongings and careful not to slip in the remaining of the attacker, I became more and more mad. Thanks to some idiot, that obviously did not know the secret of the flying rats, I had to scrape pigeon of my favorite table. The madder I became the more I thought “Oh bullocks with it all!”, so going down to buy pigeon-free parts for my bed I stopped by the candy store on the corner.
After a whole week of nothing but healthy food, only interrupted by a delicious birthday cake, I now scuffed down on gummy bears and caramel chocolate. Thinking back on my first encounter with the devils as a naïve newcomer I remember how I had done the exact same thing:
Waking up a beautiful Saturday morning during my first week in the city I heard a strange noise. Searching through every (…) room I finally found the source, a pigeon slid down between the wall below the kitchen window and the cabinet (come to think of it, why is this place not pigeon-proof?) For an unknown reason it had jumped into the ridiculously narrow hole and decided to die there, so I ran down to the first floor to my landlords’ office only to find out he would not be back before Monday. My kitchen would have a disgusting odor already before the end of the weekend, so I found a big screwdriver and took the cabinet apart – for good. After much cooing and swearing the flying intruder finally got cold feet and jumped out of the window again. This was when I first learned that pigeon eskrements are extremely acid. Despite having promised myself a new start with fresh habits, I made my first trip to the candy store. Come to think of it, I always enter that shop frigid, steaming and mumbling curses under my breath. It’s a miracle I had not been banned from the store yet.
Now do you ever do that? Have a special emotion that triggers an: “I don’t care just give me a chocolate bar – now!”?
As I get mad quite often it could explain the extra baggage on my thighs and I have hereby located one of my main problems. But to learn how to control it or how to go around it will be a huge challenge. If you have any suggestions or good advice, be so kind.
In the meantime, be good, eat fruit and whack some pigeons before they get you too.
The pigeon had entered the attic, through a carelessly opened window, to find a perfect victim (all the rooms are genius connected by pigeon-sized holes so I am unable to find the idiot) and probably cued in evil happiness when it entered the only used room. Here the attack began! First it messed around to remove any plastic covering delicate furniture and then emptied its bowels over anything that could be reached making sure to especially hit any antic pieces. “That little table looks old, let’s fill it up and cover it in feathers and uh let’s make a special acid attack on that white cabinet”. Then it squeezed out a couple of egg-bombs midair before it died on the only non-covered furniture left. Mission accomplished.
As I tried to save whatever was left of my belongings and careful not to slip in the remaining of the attacker, I became more and more mad. Thanks to some idiot, that obviously did not know the secret of the flying rats, I had to scrape pigeon of my favorite table. The madder I became the more I thought “Oh bullocks with it all!”, so going down to buy pigeon-free parts for my bed I stopped by the candy store on the corner.
After a whole week of nothing but healthy food, only interrupted by a delicious birthday cake, I now scuffed down on gummy bears and caramel chocolate. Thinking back on my first encounter with the devils as a naïve newcomer I remember how I had done the exact same thing:
Waking up a beautiful Saturday morning during my first week in the city I heard a strange noise. Searching through every (…) room I finally found the source, a pigeon slid down between the wall below the kitchen window and the cabinet (come to think of it, why is this place not pigeon-proof?) For an unknown reason it had jumped into the ridiculously narrow hole and decided to die there, so I ran down to the first floor to my landlords’ office only to find out he would not be back before Monday. My kitchen would have a disgusting odor already before the end of the weekend, so I found a big screwdriver and took the cabinet apart – for good. After much cooing and swearing the flying intruder finally got cold feet and jumped out of the window again. This was when I first learned that pigeon eskrements are extremely acid. Despite having promised myself a new start with fresh habits, I made my first trip to the candy store. Come to think of it, I always enter that shop frigid, steaming and mumbling curses under my breath. It’s a miracle I had not been banned from the store yet.
Now do you ever do that? Have a special emotion that triggers an: “I don’t care just give me a chocolate bar – now!”?
As I get mad quite often it could explain the extra baggage on my thighs and I have hereby located one of my main problems. But to learn how to control it or how to go around it will be a huge challenge. If you have any suggestions or good advice, be so kind.
In the meantime, be good, eat fruit and whack some pigeons before they get you too.
